Sunday, February 6, 2011


In honor's of today's Super Bowl, which features men butting heads, I give you this post about men butting heads. Enjoy.

As a straight woman, I may never understand all the mysteries of gay male sexuality. But, thanks to the Interwebs, I learn things. Turns out there's a dispute about some of the most basic aspects of male sexuality.

One paradigm of male sexuality is that, at his most primal level, a man wants to penetrate the body of his lover through a suitable orifice. (Sorry for the clinical language, but I'm trying to keep this orientation-neutral.) This -- the thinking goes -- is what all men want; this is the most intimate act they can imagine. This explains why a heterosexual man wants to have intercourse with his female lover by inserting his penis into her vagina. And, if the theory is true, a homosexual man wants to have intercourse with his male lover by inserting his penis into the other man's anus.

But what if that paradigm is not the whole story? What if it's actually false?

Another paradigm goes like this: man wants to rub his genitals against those of his lover. In that case, the heterosexual man would still want to have vaginal intercourse with his female lover. But what about the homosexual man? Under this paradigm, he would want to rub his penis against the penis of his lover. And what about anal intercourse? Well, the anus isn't part of the genitalia, of course, so if you're doing that, it could only be in "pale imitation" of heterosexual intercourse, according to this theory.

Does anybody really do this? It's called frottage or frot. Apparently, it's practiced by a minority of gay men.

Does anybody really advocate that gay men practice frottage to the exclusion of anal intercourse? At least one person does: Bill Weintraub, who has the web site Heroic Homo Sex. There you will find many essays advocating frottage for gay men and pictures depicting the act. (He even says that since intercourse results in a "top" and a "bottom," it produces an inherently unequal relationship. I think millions of women who consider themselves feminists and also have intercourse with men would beg to differ with that conclusion.)

Aren't there enough people out there telling gay men what to do (and not do) in the bedroom? Do they really need it from one of their own?

However, if I were to express my own preference -- from a purely selfish point of view -- I would prefer they engage in anal intercourse, rather than frottage, simply because the former affords more scope for a woman to get involved. If two guys are screwing and a woman is invited to join in, she can:

  1. Give the bottom guy a handjob

  2. Suck the bottom guy's cock

  3. Get her pussy licked by either guy

  4. Have 69 with the bottom guy

  5. Screw the bottom guy

  6. Screw the top guy with a strap-on

If you're interested in seeing what frottage is all about, you can watch a 47-minute video with many frottage scenes.

Note 1: This post fulfills my promise to write about penises being rubbed together.

Note 2: Frottage is a consensual act between adults. It is not to be confused with what frotteurs do: non-consensual rubbing, often in public places (for example, a man rubbing himself against women in a crowded subway). That is not cool and often illegal.


  1. Hello, excuse me, my name is Daniel and I found your blog through a review you'd written on a pegging article in Playgirl magazine. I'd not read far in your blog when I found this entry. I hope you don't mind a reaction to it!

    I'm attracted to men, women, and transsexuals. Most of my sexual experience is with men. I'd like to say firstly that I don't agree that any sexual position inherently creates an inequality among partners. To me, equality is all about the mind anyway. Then I'd like to talk about the physical experience of frotting.

    This is absolutely one of my favorite sexual acts! I'd also like to say that it does not exclude a woman or any third partner from being involved. One of the hottest instances of this position for me is when a third partner takes the two cocks and masturbates them together! Another option is to position the two people in the frot laying down reversed to each other and have the third alternate oral attentions for them while masturbating them. A special note is that this can also be done to achieve a mirror 69 position with two couples. Using MMFF as an example you can have the two women facing each other and trading turns sucking both or they can kiss while being licked or masturbating the men.

    In my opinion frotting is a very enjoyable addition to gay, bisexual, or even straight sex. Yes, I would include straight sex. I'd personally consider it just as hot for a woman with a strap-on to frot with me as a guy. Because in my sex it is a lot about the mind and if the woman can connect like that with her strap-on mentally then that's what is going to turn me on the most.

    To me you only lose or make a mistake to limit yourself from what can be a great experience! There's no rule that says you can't enjoy anal sex with either gender AND frotting or frotting with a strap-on. To be honest, clit-to-cock rubbing is pretty hot to me! So I'd say it's most important to consider what your partner's desires and needs are and be open to enjoying those.

    Thank you for an interesting read!

  2. Thank *you*, Daniel, for enlightening me on this issue and taking the time to write a comment. I love to learn about new possibilities!

  3. I have to say I love when I rub my cock against a strapon cock. It's very hot. I think I'd love to have a MMF where there is a frottage and the woman masturbates us. I also love those vids when the guys are laying facing each other cock to cock and the woman is riding both of them. HOT.

  4. Not sure I understand that last part, Sea. Do you mean double penetration (dp)? And if so, is it one cock in her pussy, one in her ass? Or both cocks in her pussy?

    Please excuse the unladylike language. I'm just trying to picture this.