Sunday, February 4, 2018

I hate intercourse

Note: You should probably read this piece's sister essay, I hate foreplay, before reading this one.

I hate intercourse.

Don't get me wrong. I love screwing. I love having part of my man inside me -- his beautiful penis in my pussy. I love the way he moves, making me feel good, making himself feel good. I love to touch my clit as he fills me, making myself feel even better. I love when he explodes, leaving his juice in my pussy.

What I dislike is the assumption that all heterosexual activity will result in penis-vaginal intercourse. The idea that if you haven't had intercourse, you haven't had sex. (This dutiful doing-it-because-you're-supposed-to is what I call intercourse. When you're doing it because you want to, that I call screwing.)

So, I've let The Boyfriend know that when we get into bed:

  • Screwing is not guaranteed.
  • His orgasm is not guaranteed (but mine is).

The first rule ensures that we keep in mind that sex encompasses acts other than intercourse, and we only screw when we both really want to. Now, since The Boyfriend wants to screw every time we get in bed, that means, by necessity, that I have veto power.

The second rule comes about because of the facts of life:

  1. Time for sexual activity is finite.
  2. Most women don't have an orgasm from intercourse (or screwing) alone.

Sooner or later, we all have to get out of bed to go to work, care for family members, do chores, etc. So, in my limited time for sex, I can:

  1. Have x orgasms from sexual activities that make me come, then screw The Boyfriend (or give him a blowjob or a handjob), so he gets to come, or
  2. Have x orgasms from sexual activities that make me come, then deny The Boyfriend an orgasm and have y more orgasms in that time myself.

Now, most of the time, I'm a considerate and caring lover and go for option A. But sometimes, I get greedy and go for option B. I get to masturbate, receive cunnilingus, screw him if I want, have as many orgasms as I want, but he doesn't get to come if I don't let him. I have to admit it's a turn-on when I have been satisfied with multiple orgasms and I see his erect penis twitching and aching to come.

If I deny him an orgasm, he's on his honor not to give himself one for at least 24 hours thereafter. If I catch him breaking this rule, I may have to apply a male chastity device to his penis

I don't believe in retributive justice for a whole gender, but I would point out that, for centuries, when a man and woman got in bed, the man was assured of having an orgasm, but the woman wasn't. In our relationship, anyway, that paradigm is reversed.

You may call me a femdom (or worse). You may call what we do a female-led relationship, or orgasm control, or orgasm denial, but it works for us.

Here's an illustration (click on it to see full size). The first graph is the usual paradigm. The second is what I'm advocating.

3 comments:

  1. I would never want to give up the intimacy of intercourse, but I think our orgasms are usually more intense when we play with each other outside of intercourse. My wife almost always has the first orgasm, and I really do enjoy fingering her vaginally while I apply her favorite vibrator on her clit. It's so sexy watching her throw her arms back, getting lost in her imminent orgasm. When it comes, she buckles wildly and moans pretty intensely. Her orgasms are so powerful that she needs some "downtime" where I caress her body, which by that time is so sensitive.

    If she wants me to orgasm, I enjoy her giving me a handjob. The intensity is just a lot greater and she stimulates the sensitive underside in a way that I don't really get from intercourse. Also, she tends to draw out my orgasm by stopping the stimulation by roughly handling my balls (which I LOVE) and pinching my nipples. Also, her watching my body's reactions as I approach orgasm is exciting for me. And we will usually talk about how big my load is or how far it shot.

    I think we do have better orgasms this way, and I don't feel bad about it not being "real sex".

    She's capable of multiple orgasms but usually stops at one. I love it! And I agree, in the history of mankind, men probably had far more orgasms then their female partners. One time my wife said, "with all the masturbation you did in your teens, I need to catch up to you". "The ratio" is exciting for me; when I kept track, she had about 3x as many orgasms as me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing, LTS. Sounds like you have a great relationship. Remember, though, that it's all sex even if some people don't think it's "real sex."

      I'm curious that you wrote "if she wants me to orgasm." Does she sometimes not want you to orgasm? If you both enjoy that, more power to you!

      Delete
    2. Yes, she is empowered to deny me and it's understood that I initiate sex and she climaxes first. I enjoy being denied, and she occasionally enjoys denying me. Until last Sunday our past two sexual encounters involved on orgasm for her but not me. I do feel like I'm a better partner to her when I'm denied, and I like to submit to her.

      Delete