I've written that I hate foreplay and I hate intercourse. (If you haven't read those sister essays, please read them before reading this one.)
So, what do I like? I made a long list of sexual activities. I like doing most of these things. The list is not exhaustive, though. Use your imagination! If something seems sexual to you -- as long as it involves consenting adults -- it probably is. The point is, there are many kinds of sexual activities. If you are engaging in one or more of them, you are having sex. It's still sex even if you don't do intercourse/screwing.
So, that's the first rule: penile-vaginal intercourse is optional. You should do it if both partners want to do it. Since straight men, in my experience, want to do it every time they get in bed, that gives the woman an effective veto. If she doesn't want it, it doesn't happen. Ladies, if you want your man to lick your pussy instead of screwing, have him do that. If you want him to watch as you masturbate, do that. If you want him to use his penis to pleasure your vulva, but not put it inside your vagina (outercourse), do that. If you want to screw him for a while but stop before he comes, do that. Do what makes you feel good.
That leads to my second rule: the woman's orgasm is NOT optional. Ladies, when you get in bed, you should resolve to come as much as you want. If you get caught up in your own orgasms and your man doesn't get to come before it's time to go to sleep or get the kids, so be it.
What if your man just wants to masturbate to orgasm?
If that's all he wants, it seems churlish to say no. However, if the woman just doesn't have the energy or the interest to put up with her man jerking off in her presence, I think she is within her rights to tell him to take care of that in another time or place. (If the couple practices male orgasm denial, she can tell him not to do it at all, but that's a post for another day.)
Vickie, you get to have as many of your orgasms as you want, however you want. You get to masturbate in front of your partner. Yet your man might not get to do any of these things. Isn't that a double standard?
I am convinced that the female orgasm is superior to that of the male in quality as well as quantity. A woman meeds some scope to get as much satisfaction from her orgasms as possible. Sometimes, there just won't be time enough for the male orgasm.
Also, for centuries, men were assured of the primacy of their orgasms. They got to come every time they got in bed with a woman. The women? Not so much. It's time for the primacy of the female orgasm. If some male orgasms are sacrificed, I'm OK with that.
On a more personal note, The Boyfriend and I are moving to a Female Led Relationship (FLR). This is a step in our relationship. Control the penis (and its orgasm), and you control the man. If any of this intrigues you, I urge you to discuss it with your partner and give it a try.
